EACH to her own when it comes to cosmetic
surgery, but one way not to sell more of it (or any of it to me) is by
marketing to the insecurities of us mothers by trying to sell us “mummy
makeovers”.
In fact
I’d put money that any mother propped on her pillows on Sunday week who
receives a Mother’s Day card with a voucher for a “mummy makeover” inside, will
be one grumpy mummy.
By “mummy
makeover” we’re not talking swapping up your hair and makeup or going for a bit
of pampering, we’re talking literal cosmetic chop and change — to that
tired-looking “post-baby” face, boobs, “tummy” or even your, um, parts.
We’re
talking switching back the dial to as close to eye-bag free Kardashian level,
Kate Moss jeans-fitting, Elle-trim wetsuit hips, selfie-MILF perfection.
Every
woman has the right to whatever she wants to do with or to her own body and not
be judged, go your hardest.
But those
of us who plan to age disgracefully (ie. naturally) do not want the gods of
Facebook’s advertising algorithms suggesting we pay someone to suck out, lift
up, plump, tighten or “sculpt” away all physical traces left by motherhood.
Hands off
Dr Nip ‘n’ Tuck — the bits you can see and the bits you can’t.
I want to
look as good as I can, for sure.
We’re not all supposed to be Kim Kardashian. Picture: Rick Diamond/Getty
Or ex-supermodel Elle Macpherson at 52. Source: Facebook
Yes Kate, you’re looking great. Picture: David M. Benett/Getty
But all
of those signs my body built and carried three babies, bore them, fed them,
lugged ‘em around on a hip and is still running ragged to raise them well
(going with too little sleep, too little exercise and sometimes maybe a bit too
much comfort-mashed potato) is not something I want erased, “made over” or
cosmetically wiped out.
One of
the more depressing news items I’ve read in the last few years is the fact so
many women think they not only need to have their breasts “repaired” after
feeding, but also feel the very parts that pushed the baby out are no longer
pretty enough and need surgical “correction”.
Now,
“mummies” also think they need to achieve the dreaded Barbie look (all over).
Last year
the internet fell head over heels for the cuteness so-called “Dad bod” — “a
physique that looks like a formerly fit athlete has gone a bit to seed and
grown a nice layer of protective fat around his muscular girth.
A body
that says “I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the
weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time,” according to Time
magazine.
Yet it
offers mummies constant reminders — via personally directed ads — that babies
and lack of personal time, sleep and a personal chef notwithstanding, we should
still be as sleek and slinky as ferrets.
Please
note, would-be cosmetic surgery standard setters, even Elastogirl from The
Incredibles — a mother of three who could still pull off plenty of super human
super hero stuff — had curves (bless you compassionate cartoonists).
Like I
said, do what you like if it makes you feel good, there’s no shame in going
under the knife.
But do it
on your terms and not because any one, or any thing, or any Hollywood super
babe/mum with a live-in pilates instructor makes you think the signs of
motherhood are, per se, “unattractive”.
Some of
us just tolerate the tracks of “mummy” time on our faces and bodies and souls.
Some of
us don’t mind them, and some even like them, because they’re tangible reminders
of just what awesome things our bodies have pulled off.
Those of
us in the last group are not in the market to be marketed “solutions” for our
mum bods, or get them hollowed out, filled in, tightened or perked up.
If you
really want to make us happy please send cheese* (*and wine) this Mother’s Day.
Wendy
Tuohy
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